What You've Always Wondered
by Twilight Goddess Sage
Summary: Chapter two is up! In this one we find out about the nature of the demon of the water planet, the reasons behind Harry's rage, and the ingredients in Aisha's nasty stew. Although these are the questions asked, there are more hilarious things reveiled...
1. Chapter 1

What You've Always Wondered

An Outlaw Star Talk Show fanfic

By: Twighlight Goddess Sage

Hosted By: Mikey and Swanzo the repairmen that reside in Blue Haven

Note: Duh! I do not own Outlaw Star! I'm just a fan writing a fanfic here.

This is my first Outlaw Star fanfic, so be nice and as always please leave a review.

Oh, just so you know this fanfic is based off the uncut version, so all you who only saw the edited version on Cartoon Network there are some things you should know:

Fred Low is gay, and has a crush on both Gene and Jim

There may be references in here to a hot spring episode that never aired on Cartoon Network

Oh and by the way, the answers to the questions will probably not be absolutely correct, but they should be funny.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Today folks, we're holding a talk show to answer all your questions about the people in Outlaw Star (the show)!" announced Swanzo. The audience of anime fans applauded loudly as the trademark gunshot went off in the background thanks to the all-knowing yet unseen narrator.

"What the Hell?" Gene Starwind cried out, "We've been on a show? Why haven't we been paid?"

Jim shrugged, "Don't look at me, even I don't understand the logistics and I'm the prodigy."

"You have hardly the reason to complain," Gilliam chimed in, "Look at what they did to me! They separated me from the main ship and made me float around. I'm no longer the ship's computer; I'm just a floating microprocessor!"

"Don't worry, Gilliam, I'm sure they'll put you back together afterwards," Melfina said smiling.

"I hope so," Gilliam sighed unhappily.

"Now that the computer is done whining, let's get on with the show!" Mikey crooned into his microphone as the crowd went wild.

"Oh Gene, isn't this so exciting," Fred cried slugging his arm around Gene's shoulder, "We get to be interviewed live together."

Jim cringed and scooted several meters away and took his place on the other side of Aisha. "Sorry Gene, you're on your own!"

"What are you running from?" asked Aisha.

"Eh…I'm not in the mood for being glomped by…h-him," Jim stuttered glancing back at the two men.

"Ah, love is unkind," stated Harry McDougal from off the stage with a faraway look in his eyes.

Jim's eyes suddenly got very wide, "Wait a minute, I thought you died!"

Harry ducked behind a curtain after snickering, "You must be imagining me."

Jim blinked and looked around, "Somebody please tell me I wasn't the only who saw him!"

Swanzo cleared his throat, "Okay folks, this is how we will do this, Mikey over here will randomly pick a question, read it aloud, and then those characters who they pertain to will get up and answer as best they can.""Hmmmmm," said Gene, "There are some things I'd like to know too."

"This could be quite interesting," Suzuka murmured.

Mikey coughed, "K'hem! Let's start with the first question," he then pulled out a slip of paper and read it out loud, "…The first one is for Aisha! Aisha this anonymous person wants to know, Aisha how is it that whenever you power yourself up your clothes are torn up yet in the next scene they are in perfect condition?"

"WHAAAAAT!" Aisha screeched as everyone else covered their ears, "WHAT THE HELL KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT!"

"Oh yeah," Jim said, "I've always wondered about that!" A spotlight then came down on the peeved Ctarl-Ctrarl.

"Come on Aisha, give us some material to work with," Gene said teasingly.

"OH SHUT UP GENE STARWIND!" Aisha growled.

Then all the other characters and fans put on their pleading sad puppy faces.

"Oh fine," Aisha grumbled, "My secret is that I have multiple sets of my clothes."

"And?" everyone else said.

"I hand-sew fabrics in seams in the wrinkles and by using cheap TV tricks I can change clothes in a matter of seconds," Aisha mumbled between gritted teeth. "Oh and have you ever noticed that unless I transform into a tiger, my bra never tears, it's very durable so nobody can have a peek at my boobs!" she added more enthusiastically with her fist held in triumph as all of the guys except Fred blushed and Suzuka groaned.

"You're proud of that?" she mumbled.

Mikey then stopped his blush and read the next question, "Okay Melfina, the next question is for you. Melfina, how did you ever fit into the suitcase that Hilda had you in?"

Then the spotlight moved to Melfina who had a puzzled look on her face, "Uh…I don't remember, my memory was erased before then."

Swanzo stood up with a microphone, "Alrighty then, let's hear it from Hilda!"

"Wait, isn't she dead!" Gene yelled

Right after he said this, who should stroll onto the stage? (No not the giant chickens or the female impersonators from Monty Python's Flying Circus) But Hilda, who came up waving to everyone, "Long time, no see."

"What! I thought you died after blowing yourself up and falling into the star!" Jim cried dumbfounded.

"Oh I did, it was very hot and bright, I wouldn't recommend it. Oh by the way Gene, did you find the Galactic Leyline?" Hilda asked casually.

"Yeah I found it, it was…great!" Gene replied.

"Good! I didn't leave you the ship in vain. Hi Swanzo, hi Mikey."

"Hi Hilda, can you answer the question for us?" Mikey said.

Hilda sighed, "Okay, all I had to do was position Melfina the right way so she sat comfortably with a life support system. I chose a suitcase to make it less obvious; you do realize it would be suspicious in anything else."

"Yeah, but why was she naked?" Gene asked.

"Yeah that was…a-awkward," mumbled Jim.

"I didn't have enough time to dress her after I swiped her from the pirates."

"Speaking of the space pirates, the next question is for them," Mikey said.

The pirates then filed out; the old man, the little girl, and the creepy swordsman.

"Wow, I thought there were more," exclaimed Gene, "Darn those Tao ninjas!"

As soon as he said it, several of them appeared near their masters.

"You just had to say that, Gene," Jim muttered, "Now we have to fight them."

"Not necessarily," Swanzo said holding up his hand, "Just shut up and hang tight kid."

"Ugh, I hate being told to shut up like that!" Gene yelled, "Damn it!"

"I personally think it would be wise to follow that advice," Suzuka said coolly.

"Anyways, space pirates, in this place, any method of combat is prohibited and as an added precaution, the authoress has made all weapons ineffective. This goes for everyone," Mikey recited sounding much like a walking rulebook.

"_Damn it! That means I can't take down Gene Starwind!"_ Harry thought angrily.

"WHAAAT! We are reborn and we finally get close enough to the people on board the XGP to seize it and we can't overtake it!" the old man pirate roared.

"That's right," Swanzo said while nodding, "Besides it is breaking a 4th wall to have the supposedly dead kill the living."

"NOOOOOOO! THAT'S NOT FAAAIIIIR!" the little girl cried.

"Okay then Kei Pirates, the question is what does your chant 'hug-a-wah-sum-bah' mean?"

"That's fug-gah-was-sum-bah!" shouted the little girl with a lovely popped vain symbol to compliment her face.

"Hug-a-wet-cymbal!" Gene muttered with an incredulous look on his face.

"Who the hell would do that!" Aisha growled.

"HOW DARE YOU!" the old man bellowed.

"Just what does it mean?" Jim whispered to the quiet swordsman.

"Uh…I actually don't know. It's just a puzzling incantation that we can speak really fast. For a while we did tongue twisters, but that didn't work so well…"

"Oh really?" Jim asked thoughtfully.

(Flashback)

The little girl concentrated and said, "I'm going to kill and confuse you all! Shelly sells seashells at the seashore! Shelly sells seashells at the seashore! Shelly sells seashells at the seashore! Shelly shells sheashells sat the sheashore—Ugh! Damnit!"

The old man prepared himself for a spell, "Let me do it, Peter Piper picked a pail of pickled peppers! Peter Piper picked a pail of pickled peppers! Peter Piper picked a pail of pickled peppers! Peeper Piper pipped a pail of peekled peepers…Shit! I'm no good either!"

Then the swordsman comes up with a bunch of ninjas, "Oh hell with it, I failed grammar school! Forget the magic, let's just cut 'em down with knives, Mwah-ha-ha-haaaaaaaah!"

"No I got it! Let's from now on do it with random-Chinese-sounding-mutterings, if we speak it fast enough no one will understand us anyways!" the old man yelled pleased with himself.

"Yes! That's perfect!" the girl cried her eyes sparkling, then she turned to look at their opponents and found them gone. "Damn those cowards, they ran away!"

(End of flashback)

"Yep, that's how it originated," muttered the swordsmen.

"Just leave it to the Kei Pirates to not make any sense," sighed Hilda shrugging as Jim took on a rather confused look.

"Okay, okay we shall ask one last question, then afterwards everyone gets a lunch break," Mikey chimed in.

"Wait a minute, lunch breaks come between work shifts, are we getting paid?" Gene asked hoping for money, for he was still much in dept as always.

"That's up to the authoress!" Swanzo replied.

"What's the last question?" Suzuka asked while leaning on her bokuto.

Mikey picked up a piece of paper and scanned it; after a few minutes he said, "The last question goes to the cactus at the ice cream parlor!"

At that moment the cactus, to the astonishment of everyone else there, somehow wandered out towards Jim in all it's lush green goodness and said, "Hi slave, let's take over these inferior beings together!" Then it wrapped one of its spiky arms around his shoulder and squeezed him.

Mikey looked at them quite disturbingly, "Um…yeah, tha-that's weird. But anyway, Mr. Cactus—"

"ADDRESS ME AS CACTUS-SAMA, INFERIOR BEING!" the cactus roared, gaining several shocked looks from the other cast and audience members alike.

"He…uh…it talks loudly for a plant…" the pirate swordsman said.

"Cactus-sama! What the Hell?" Gene yelled.

"GET YOUR SPIKY ARMS OFF OF JIM!" Fred growled.

"I-I c-can't…br-breathe!" gasped Jim.

"He's all mine! MWAH-HAH-HAH-HAAAAAAAAAAH!" cackled the crazy cactus.

Mikey cleared his throat and said, "Excuse me, Cactus-Sama, the question asks about your superiority. The things we want to know about are about what exactly you are? Why you sold ice cream? And what you plan to do?"

"Very well then," the cactus said as he allowed his captive to breathe, "I shall tell you all. I am a superior being of plant that knows more about this universe than all of you pathetic life forms as I am older than all of you. I want to spread my influence over you all because watching you miserable creatures at work makes me feel like wilting. And so I began to form my plan to conquer the universe!"

"SO THEN WHY HEIFONG, AND WHY THE HELL, ICE CREAM?" Gene yelled.

"I WAS GETTING TO THAT YOU SCUM!" the psycho cactus screeched back at Gene causing him to wince, "Heifong was a perfect place to begin with such a mission. It is filled to the brim with people of various types because of all the squabbles, dwellings, space races, etc that you creatures exist for. So I convinced a lizard-like being most subtly to bring me over towards this world without any trouble or any idea of my plan. Mwah-ha-haaaah! You fools are so easy to manipulate. I also got him to take another advanced creature, although not as intelligent as I, which was the carnivorous insect you saw later. As for the ice cream, ah yes! When I came over I realized that I needed to find out more about your behavior. So when the insect and I left the lizard man, the insect ran towards the sewers (ugh) and I made way to where a cluster of you were at; which just so happened to be an ice cream stand." Jim started to squirm uncomfortably trying to get out of the cactus' clutches. The creepy cactus than proceeded to tickle Jim's neck with one of his spikes causing Jim to squeak.

"Your ice cream sucked, Plant Freak!" Gene yelled sick of being insulted by a plant of all things, "Get off of Jim, or Melfina will step on you again!"

The cactus cringed squeezing Jim more tightly. "Hurt me and I'll possess your friend and I'll take over your world and feed you to that carnivorous bug!" Gene growled as the cactus continued its story. "Now that I have been reborn, I'll conquer your pathetic race and kill you all MWAH-HA-HAAAAAH!"

"B-but wha-what do you w-want with me!" Jim shrieked.

"You son of a hacker, are going to help me, whether you like it or not," the cactus said.

Mikey then glared at the prodigy and the plant as they struggled with one another and then said, "Okay…now it's lunch break, see everyone in the next chapter!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

What character will surface next? Will Jim get out of the evil cactus' clutches? What is the authoress planning? When will the giant chickens attack? Stay tuned for next time!

Sage: "Oh and please be nice and review."

Chibisage: "If you have a question that you would like to ask the Outlaw Star Cast send it in a review and we will consider it and if we like it we will use it."

Ruzaka: "This fanfic is not interactive, reader questions are suggestions for questions!"

Kuro (waves): "Bye Bye!"


	2. Chapter 2: Enter Kuro

What You've Always Wondered Part 2

Enter Kuro

For those of you who don't know, Kuro is indeed an outside character, but he is not mine. My friend asked me to put his character in to be with Aisha and later on I will put in a bonus chapter in which he and Aisha will go on a date when I have writer's block or whatever.

Sorry for the wait, things have been happening that have halted the progress of typing out this chapter.

Sage: "Okay it's time for Part 2! I still do not own Outlaw Star!"

Ruzaka (sighs): "Prepare yourselves for insanity."

Kuro (raises his fist in triumph): "Yes! I make an appearance this time. Woo-hoo!"

Chibisage (waves to the readers): "Read and enjoy!"

-----------------------------

After a nice lunch break, everybody came back on stage feeling refreshed except for a certain prodigy who was still being pursued by a certain psycho cactus.

"Get away from me!" Jim yelled trying to get away, his arm covered with scratches from the spikes.

"Damn it! My tranquilizers aren't working! Come back here Slave!" the cactus cried.

Mikey then cleared his throat as the boy and the cactus ran around, "And now for Part 2 of our show for all you loyal fans."

The fans then cheered and held up colorful signs that said things like 'Suzuka kicks ass!', 'Hooray for the Ctarl Ctarl!' and 'Hail Harry!'.

Harry peered out from behind the curtain murmuring, "Ooooo someone likes me, it must be my hair," which he then proceeded to throw back gracefully.

"Anyways, everyone settle down," Swanzo said.

"Gene, can I have a little help?" Jim pleaded.

"This boy is mine! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaah!" the cactus cackled through Jim.

"Settle down I said!" Swanzo yelled again.

The cactus let out a shrill sound but was then silenced when a stranger came on stage and tossed it off where its pot cracked.

"Well at least that's over," the new person sighed.

"Oh by the way, this person with us is Kuro. He's going to help us with the next set of questions," Swanzo introduced motioning to Kuro as the man waved to the audience.

"Hi everyone! Before we get started, I'd like to say something to Aisha." He then looked over at her, "Aisha, I just wanted to say that during the Strongest Woman in the Universe Contest, you looked really hot in that firecat costume. In fact, you looked better than the original!"

Aisha blushed cutely, "Awwww thanks. Yeah I dominated that fight! I'm glad you liked it."

"Anyways, the next question is for the demon of the water planet, so we have one of them here today with us," Swanzo stated calmly.

"WHAT! ARE YOU SERIOUS?" Gene shouted, "That guy killed Gramps!

Just then the said demon appeared thanks to the special TV effects, in a huge tank filled with water, eating a giant corndog.

"Is that a…corndog!" Jim asked, his eyes popping out of his face.

"Yes that's right!" Kuro replied, "He likes subs and pizza with anchovies too, although those types of meals are harder to clean up after; he's not very good at cleaning up after himself…"

"Yeah I bet he'd like subs, since he destroyed a lot of them!" Gene barked at him.

Kuro looked confused and blinked until realization hit, "Oh no! Not that those kind of submarines! I errr…was referring to the um…submarine sandwiches. You know the kind they sell at Subway!"

The entire cast looked at him with really blank looks like they had no clue what he was talking about. Meanwhile the audience was cheering and yelling, "Yeah Subway! Kimmy Meisner eats there!"

((TGS: "heh heh heh…for those of you outside the United States or wouldn't otherwise know, Kimmy Miesner is a world champion figure skater who went to my high school (she's a senor as of now; I've graduated) I've seen her in the hallway sometimes, but we weren't close friends. After she made the Olympics and competed, she came back to her hometown of Bel Air, MD and since she was quite a regular at the local Subway, she started doing radio commercials for them on local stations. In edition, her hometown named a road after her, Kimmy Way.))

Then the crowd, resolved into a chant of, "EAT FRESH! EAT FRESH! EAT FRESH! Etc."

"Whoa! They're awfully excited about something!" Gilliam muttered.

"Calm down everyone!" Swanzo shouted waving his wiry little arms.

"Um…moving right along," Mikey finally said when everyone had calmed down, "Kuro, we have some simple questions about the water beast, that we'd like you to help us answer!"

"Oh okay, well actually he wants to introduce himself!" Kuro said, "I'll translate for him of course. Take it away, Buddy!"

The water demon made a noise much like an administrator clearing his throat before giving a lecture. Then it spoke or rather made undistinguishable monster noises.

"Rraowl! Wabah wabah rrrraaaaaah! Wagah wagah grrrrrrrrooooooowl, rraowl grrrroowwl wagah wagah waaaabah!"

Kuro cleared his throat as well in the same manner as the monster, then translated, "Hello! My name is Buddy! Some people think I'm just a bloodthirsty monster, but actually I'm a respectable being who highly values privacy and loathes intruders and visiters."

"…h-how c-can h-he understand that…th-thing?" Harry stammered.

Ron McDougal just smirked and nodded over in the monsters direction, "I can relate."

"Respectable? Yeah right!" Gene yelled, "Explain the people you've killed and all the submersibles you've destroyed!"

"He did say that he doesn't like visiters!" Kuro replied waving his arms around for emphasis.

"Rrrrrrrrrrowl! Waaaah! Wabah wagah wabah hiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssss rrrrrooooooowwwwl!" hissed Buddy, obviously unhappy with Gene's comment.

Kuro growled with Buddy's intensity with his English translation, "Idiiiooooot! You obviously have never raised a family! You have no right to talk!"

"What does family have to do with it?! Fred growled back, "You nearly killed Gene, you bastard!"

"Wabah wabah wabah rrrroooowwl! Growl yowl groooowwwl rrroooowl hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissss!" Buddy continued.

"When you have as many youngsters to raise as I do, you have to make sure all of them are safe, and it helps if you have a world to yourself. When people like you come around and start making a mess and stealing stuff, it creates a danger!" Kuro translated.

"Rrrrrrowl wabah wabah waaaaaaaaaaabaaaaaaaaah! growl hiiissss growl wabah wabah!" Buddy added.

"When you people come and steal, you litter the place with debris, and set a bad example for the young ones. Besides, we like the dragonite, it's shiny!" Kura relayed, his eyes spakling up when he said 'shiny'.

"Oh, so it's for his family...I see..." Melfina said.

"Yeah...he's a real family man...BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE TO KILL AND DESTROY EVERYTHING!!!" Gene snarled.

"Wagah? Wabah wabah rrrooooooooowwwl hiiiisss!" Buddy shot back.

"Oh yeah? Well you mammal beasts would probably slaughter us even if we didn't kill you because we look like monsters!" Kuro traslated raising an angry fist in emphasis.

"Wow, he really gets into the drama in his translation," Jim observed. Suzuka and Aisha nodded in agreement.

"Hmmmm, you have a point there...Beast..." Gene agreed looking thoughtful then went back to peeved, "BUT STILL YOU KILLED THE OLD MAN!!! HIM AND MANY OTHERS!!!!"

"Besides, if you allowed the first few people to take away the dragonite, than you wouldn't have to worry about more coming your way!" Fred pointed out.

Buddy was quiet for a moment thinking about this.

"We'd be happy to take it off your hands...Buddy!" Aisha offered, dollar signs in her eyes.

"WHAT!?! THAT TREASURE IS OURS!!!" the little pirate girl screamed, "THE SHIP THAT WENT DOWN WAS PROPERTY OF THE SPACE PIRATES IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!"

"Yeah right! OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!!" Hilda yelled back.

"Uh...Hilda...you're already supposedly dead," Jim pointed out.

"SHUT UP!" Hilda shouted.

"I NEED IT MORE THAN ANY OF YOU!!!!" Gene yelled slamming his fist on a table, "I have oodles and oodles of debt to pay, and this is my chance to make it big-time!"

"Hmmm...his debt consists of money that he owes us," Mikey mused, "So basically, it's ours!"

Swanzo winked at him, "Hey Mikey, you're right! Give us the treasure and you'll be cleared of the debt you owe us!"

"Hey there repairmen, he owes me some too!" Fred growled, then he slung his arm around Gene in a one-armed glomp, "Right, my friend?!"

"Uh...I guess..." Gene stammered uneasily.

"NO IT'S MINE!!!" Aisha screeched.

"OURS!!!" Mikey and Swanzo shouted.

"FOR THE GLORY OF THE PIR--" The old Tao man began.

"RRRRRWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUL!!!!!! WABAH WAAAABAH WAAGAH!!!! GRRROWWWL HIIISSSSS, WRRRRROOOWL WAGAAAAH WABBBAH GROOOOWL!!!!!" Buddy snarled in rage stunning the spacers and ending the crossfire of yells.

Kuro took a big breath and a sip from his water bottle before translating, "EEENNOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!! YOU IDIIOOT TWO-LEGGERS!!!! I REFUSE TO GIVE ANY ONE OF YOU MY TREASURE, BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE HERE STOLE MOST OF IT ANYWAYS!!!!"

"...uh...he does have a point...on the assignment we did take everything on the ship, except what the old man took with him on his suicidal mission..." Jim murmurred.

"WHAAAAAT!?!" everybody other than the Outlaw Star Crew and Kuro yelled.

"RRRROOOOWL!!! Wabah Wabah Wagah grooowwwl hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis...growl hiiiiiiiiiiiiiis wagaaaah? Wibah?" Buddy growled

"SILENCE!!! I've had enough of these obnoxious loud-mouthed mammal bastards...can I go home now? Kuro?" Kuro said. He then turned to Mikey and Swanzo, who were currently trying to keep the little pirate from wrestling the microphone away from them. "Uh...I know things are hectic here, but could he go back home, he promised his grandchildren he'd tell them a story before naptime and they can get pretty rowdy when they don't get a story...?"

Nobody bothered to look up and/ or acknowledge his question. While Swanzo, Mikey, and the pirate girl were wrestling, the microphone was hurled into the air as well as Mikey's questions; Kuro caught them before they hit the floor. He turned to the audience, cleared his throat and crooned, "Alright audience, this will be the time for audience participation! You will vote for whether or not Buddy goes home now or not! All in favor of Buddy's early dissmissal, say 'yay', all who want to keep him around a while longer with no reguards for his cute monster grandchildren, if you dare, say 'nay'!"

"Cute monster grandchildren? How can they be cute?" Aisha shrieked. Melfina shrugged.

"Okay first the 'yays'!" Kuro crooned.

"YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!" boomed the audience, the sound waves shattering the Tao ninjas and blowing the cast's eardrums.

"Oooowwwww!" Aisha whined, "My poor Ctarl-Ctarl ears are ringing like hell!!"

After he recovered, Kuro shouted, "Now for the 'nay's!"

Everything was pretty quiet except for a few crickets chirping, although who knows how they came in.

"Alright everyone, it's decided! Buddy's going home!!!" Kuro exclaimed.

The audience cheered and Buddy growled, "Wagah wabah rrowl waaaggaaah!"

"He says, 'thank you and good day!' Bye Buddy, and thank you very much!" Kuro yelled over the cheers. He waved his hand and thanks to special TV tricks, Buddy's water tank vanished. "Okay then, now for the next few questions!" Kuro continued, "It looks like our honorable hosts are engaged in a dishonorable fist fight right now, so in the mean time, I shall ask the questions!"

"Uh...sure, whatever, just go on...I'm getting tired of this..." Gene muttered yawning.

"Alrighty then, the next question goes to Harry McDougal!" Kuro crooned, as the Harry fans cheered holding up posters as Harry made his way up to the front of the stage waving and flashing them a melting smile causing most of them to faint.

"I _KNEW_ I saw him earlier!" Jim hollered pointing at him.

"Anyways, Harry, the question here for you is about your instances of crazed violence, obsession with killing things, and emotional outbursts. How can you explain this for us?" Kuro asked at him puzzled.

Harry's smile vanished as he glared at Kuro and held him up by his shirt collar, "What do you think, asshole? It's because of my damned nasty temper, at those times I'm extremely pissed off!"

"I-i-i'm just asking the questions as I read them, I-i-i don't have anything against you, really!" Kuro stammered.

"Leave him along, McDougal!" Gene shouted, "You do have a nasty habbit of going berserk whenever you don't get your way!"

"Not to mention indecency," Gilliam muttered, "It's incredibly rude to hack into a ship's computer repeatedly just to see the navigator naked!"

"WHHAAAAT!!!!!" the rest of the Outlaw Star Crew minus Melfina, Fred Lo, Hilda, and Ron shouted at the exact same time.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!!!!" Harry shaking Kuro around by his shirt collar, "The first time I saw her nude, was the first time we met! The second time she got naked, I only came through to get to her when she hid in the ship; then I quickly shifted to cyberspace mode so I could see her in her...um...digital...err..clothes."

"Still, what's up with making things go boom? How do you get such a thrill in killing things?" Swanzo asked as he staggered over to them, his body in disarray thanks to the nasty pirate girl who was still locked in combat with Mikey. Swanzo's ropey little arms were pulled out of their sockets and tied in a knot behind his back, there was a huge hole where one of his little eyes used to to be revealing his green froggy skin, one of his legs was pulled out longer than the other and dragged as he leaned on his good leg carrying the stretched limb along, and his once shiny platinum-like shell was scratched in many places. He looked very forlourn as if he could have used a hug, one that wouldn't crush his fragile shell.

"Whoa! That little brat did a number on him!!!" Jim murmured.

"Who are you calling a little BRAT?! SCUM!!!!" the pirate girl yelled stalking over to him with her hair in a mess, her make-up smeared, her left eye blackened, and her dress in tatters revealing bloomers with Hello Kitty faces on them.

"Uh...n-never m-mind..." Jim stuttered turning a little red.

"I TOLD YOU TO NEVER EVER WEAR THOSE!!!! NOW THE KEI PIRATES REP IS TARNISHED NOW THAT IT HAS BEEN REVEILED THAT WE RAIDED THE HELLO KITTY WAREHOUSE!!!!" the old man pirate roared.

"...uh...well now we know...heh heh heh..." Aisha muttered sweatdropping along with the other members of the cast.

The little Pirate girl put her hands on her hips and whined, "But I'm still young and quite cute so I should be allowed to wear cute things!!!!"

"Cute huh? How about PSYCHO?" Hilda jeered at her.

"SHUT UP YOU BITCH!!!!" the little girl snarled at her.

Hilda was about to pounce on the peeved pirate girl, when Harry started to rant his explanation in a loud obnoxious voice that made Aisha's screech sound angelic in comparason. "OKAY YOU ASSWHOLES!!!! I'LL TELL YOU WHY I LIKE KILLING THINGS AND MAKING THEM GO BOOM!!! First of all, the people who piss me off enough are all idots who deserve slow painful deaths for ruining my mood and harming my dashing good looks!" He stopped to throw back his hair like a shampoo commercial actress and wink at several of his fans in the audience causing most of them to faint on the spot knocking other people near them over like dominoes, and causing Gene and Fred to roll their eyes at the exact same time.

"Harry was always into his looks," Ron McDougal sighed.

"...Is that all?" Jim asked slowly not wanting to make him mad, but kind of annoyed by the effect of his pretty-boy behavior.

Harry looked away from his fan-girl accident, towards Jim with an irritated expression, "That's all I'm going to tell you bakas, yes..."

"Alrighty then!" Kuro crooned, "Moving right along..." He took a quick look around to gage the status of everyone including the fallen fans (the fans who were knocked over after Harry flung his hair back). "Okay I believe that we'll answer one more question and then call in assistance for the injured unless anyone is near death...Is anyone barely alive?"

Out in the audience, crickets chirped again.

"Ooookay! Moving right along then..." Kuro went through the pieces of paper with the questions on them. "Okay, here's one for Aisha!"

Aisha who had been sitting listening to the pirate girl about how the Kei Pirates had looted the Hello Kitty Warehouse and how she grew up with the series, suddenly perked up her cat-like ears and mewed.

"Hi Aisha," Kuro friendly waved to her to tune her out of Hello Kitty land, "There's a question for you here!"

"Oh...okay...uh...ask away..." Aisha muttered shaking the image of the mouthless cream-puff cat out of her head.

"Alrighty, the question refers to the episode in which Gene took on the first of the Anten Seven. We would all like to know what ingredients you used in your Ctarl Ctarl stew?"

"Do we really want to know that badly...?" Jim whispered into Melfina's ear.

"Oh you'd like the recipe huh?" Aisha asked perking up, well I should write all the directions down for you...but I at least can tell you what to get for ingredients. It's a very special Ctarl Ctarl stew with enough gusto to make any person a powerhouse if eaten on a regualar basis."

"That is if you can survive the indigestion it would give you if you happen to not be Ctarl Ctarl," muttered Suzuka.

"Yeah...and the overwhelming smell that gives you nasea," Jim added nodding his head.

Aisha's ears twitched and she turned her head around to glare at them growling, "Hey! Quiet on the set!" She then turned back to Kuro and continued her talk about her stew.

"One of the necessities for the stew is shrimp, the biggest shrimp you can find, you stick them in with their heads still on!"

"Eh...their heads still on?" Kuro repeated puzzled.

"Uh huh!" Aisha nodded, "The small brains and eyeballs have wonderful nutrients! And then--"

"UGH!!!" Jim groaned turning a sick purple and looking like he was going to be sick.

Aisha kept speaking after Jim's comment like it was unimportant, "--add several large potatoes preferably the ones grown from planets with natural dirt, the ones from colonies have nothing to them; about four feisty barbaric lobsters, big boys at that, with their guts intact; thirty hot peppers--"

"THIRTY HOT PEPPERS!!!!! ARE YOU NUTS!!??!!" Fred yelped.

"Yes, that's right, they are all so small...you need a lot to satisfy a Ctarl-Ctarl, it puts fur on the chests of our true forms!" Aisha called back. Fred continued to spazz as she continued, "If you really want to add something to make you sharp and alert as well as strong, add four cans of red bull energy drink! I didn't do that in that episode because we ran out, and the local convience store nearby was out, all they had was something called powerade which didn't look like much--"

"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THE REASON YOU ARE ALWAYS PERKY IS BECAUSE YOU DRINK RED BULL!?!" Gene shouted.

"...so that's how she does it...and that's why she didn't last as long with that guy in that fight..." Jim said, "And that's what Gene drank that one time for his hangover and it made him feel worse..."

"Hah! You idiot! What kind of person drinks red bull for a hangover?!" Mikey jeered. Harry sent Gene a nasty smirk and laughed hysterically at him.

A big red vein popped up on Gene's face as he started to shake with rage, "Shut the hell up, all of you!" he snarled between gritted teeth.

"Anyways," continued Aisha choosing for once to not let a snarling Gene ruin her good mood, "The final ingredient is the Ctarl Ctarl Super Special Secret Spice! You add a pinch of that, stir it up, and let everything simmer for a while until the smell of the stew fills up the room!! By that time it is ready to enjoy!!!"

"Or say your prayers, whatever your fancy..." Suzuka muttered.

Jim nodded and asked Aisha pointedly, "And just what is in this 'Super Special Secret Spice' anyway?"

"I CAN'T TELL YOU!!" the cat girl yowled, "IT IS A CTARL CTARL NATIONAL SECRET!!! Only those of Ctarl Ctarl heritage know how to make it!!"

"Hmph! I bet you don't even know!" the pirate girl accused, pointing at her.

Aisha twitched her nose looking quite annoyed, "I know it well enough, thanks. EVERY CTARL CTARL KNOWS IT!!! WE HAVE SWORN AN OATH THAT WE WILL NOT ALLOW ANY OTHER RACE TO FIND THE RECIPE!!! IT'S A MATTER OF CULTURAL PRIDE!!!!"

"Yeah right! You expect us to believe that?!" the girl threw back at her.

"A CTARL CTARL WILL ALWAYS KEEP THEIR WORD! WHETHER OR NOT THE IGNORANT MASSES OF OTHER RACES BELIEVE US IS NOT OUR CONCERN," Aisha shouted, and then gave a vicious look like a predator about to pounce, "But if they try to make trouble for us, than we gladly shall take it upon ourselves to persuade them to keep their dirty little noses away from our secrets..." By this point she showed off her shiny fangs right in front of the pirate girl's face who 'eeped' and dashed back to the swordsman for safety, choosing not to voice an opinion about Aisha's fish-smelling breath.

"Okay everyone! That's it for this show! Stay continued until next time!" Kuro crooned again, waving to everyone.

"What are we doing during this break again?" Jim asked anxiously. The fans cheered and started to leave, even the slightly harmed one's found the strength to leave.

"...personally...I could use a massage...maybe a nap..." Swanzo sighed.

"I want a drink...something other than Red Bull..." Gene muttered.

A gun shot rang and the voice of a monotonal female machine voice gave an announcement, "Attention all members of the Outlaw Star Cast and Kuro, please report to the Blue Haven Homey Hotel...better known as B-triple H for those who don't like to memorize long names...you will be staying in rooms over there paid for by the authoress herself...enjoy yourselves and for those who aren't totally exhausted there will be a party at the bar...thank you!"

"Alright! I like this! TO THE BAR!!!! I WILL NOT BE OUT DRUNK!!!!" Gene shouted running off. Fred, Hilda, Mikey, Swanzo, and the Kei Pirates followed behind at a slower pace.

Jim shook his head, "This will be one long night..."

"Hey Melfinaaa..." Harry said appearing behind her, "I hear they have hot springs, wanna take a bath with me?!"

Melfina looked at him startled but before she could give an answer, Suzuka slapped him. "I don't care if you're both androids or if you have seen each other naked or not, absolutely not!" she reprimanded him, with a visibly strong grip on her bokuto.

"Yeah really, stay away from Mel, you mechanical pig!" Aisha growled. The three female members of the crew walked off together, Jim gave him a dirty look and ran after them.

"All I want is to be loved!" Harry shouted dramatically as he fell on his knees and sat there for a moment. Finally he got off after not getting any noticible attention and went off to look for his brother, _Maybe if I ask nicely I can talk him into letting me get a pina colada_...

---------------------------------

(back in the technical booth, Sage and friends are celebrating and doing the afterword)

Sage: "Finally, I got that chapter posted, sorry for the wait everyone, hope you like the chapter, and leave a review!"

Chibisage (takes a sip of cream soda): "Why did you do that to Swanzo? I thought you liked him?"

Sage: "I do! I didn't kill him alright! (shakes her head) I'm sorry fellow Swanzo fans, he'll be alright, I requested an appointment with the masuses at the B triple H's spa! (smiles) I'm such a nice authoress!"

Wasabi (sweatdrops): "Yeah, yeah, sure...I just hope none of those hams take advantage of your thoughtfullness...the hentai fans may request for some lemon scenes of what they do at the hotel, y'know!

Miyu (spits out some soda on Ryu-kun): "Whaat! Sage-chan doesn't write lemons!! Don't you give any of them any dirty ideas!"

Ryu-kun (glares at Miyu and dumps a bag of chips on her): "Yeah, Sage, what Wasabi said! Though I personally think some JimxFred would be interesting!"

Chibisage (gags as Miyu and Ryu-kun start having a food fight): "That's sick and you know it!"

Ruzaka (shakes his head at the two girls using good food for projectile weapons): "Anyways, Sage needs more suggestions for questions or else she'll ponder the areas of all the one-episode-wonders that no one really cares about...?"

Wasabi: "Hey I like the cactus!"

Sage: "I hope you liked this chapter and if you want this story to continue, please review!"

All of them: "Bye!"


End file.
